Spam Back

Sometime back, I had written about how I got back at spammers

I got some suggestions on 'best practices' followed by some of my friends. One of my friends actually subscribes to paper spam. He fills out any of the forms which ask for his address but ignores the ones which ask for email. He apparently gets about 4-5 envelopes everyday from Vacation Time shares, Credit Cards, Jewellery, Magazines and Major Religions/Cults.

And herz what he does with them:

• Good 'Toilet Reading' material
• Some of them contain useful stuff like Calendars
• Stuff for his toddler to tear up/scribble/drool or whatever
• And 'Raddi' paper if nothing else.

I suggest that he mails back the self-addressed 'Postage paid by addressee' envelops so that our cash strapped postal department can make some money out of these morons. I assume they don't subsidize the mailing cost of envelopes though. God save them if they do.

I was also kinda hoping I could get one of these phone lines like they kind the 'Party Line' and 'Astro Line' have... you know...where you are charged 6 bucks per minute for calling them, and the money goes to the people running these 'services'.

I wanna get one of these lines and go around town dropping my number to all the cold calling morons and just watch my bank balance swell while they try to convince me that a personal loan at 144% p.a is good just because its 'pre-approved'.

Crazy

lyrics - crazy

Happy Holidays

Enjoy the long weekend! Therz no holiday like a Monday Holiday.

See you soon! Merry Christmas!

Ewww

Am not sure if this is for real, but it looks horrid enough to be. Check out the 're-invention' of Betty & Veronica from Archies.

Okay, I admit I don't fit into their target audience anymore and it really has been ages since I read a new one (I flip through the old digests since the stories are perfect for bathroom reading).
But this just seems ghastly.

If Charlie Brown could go through all those years wearing the sweater with the zig zag pattern and Calvin with his striped tee why not the Riverdale gang? (Ya Ya! The Peanuts strip did go through a lot of stylistic changes over the years, but thats not the point.)

I think the committee managing the strip ought to relook at content. When was the last time you read an Archie story that wasn't a rehash of a rehash of a rehash of a lame story to begin with.




Update: It's just been about half hour, and I've already begun to find the new artwork 'okay'. Considering the disaster that was 'The New Archies' (remember that anyone?) I am not sure if this one is going to last long though.

Coff Coff

Had a bad cough (still do), and a slight viral (which has gone ahead for greener pastures).


The past week's kinda hazy though, I mean I don't really remember where one day ended and the other began. I don't get sick often, maybe once ever two years or so. So I often forget what its like to be sick. And i even find myself wishing I get sick...you know, just to see what it feels like. Well, it sucks! I hope now that I have documented that I don't like being sick, I stop wishing I fall sick ever again.

But I did go to my apartment on Saturday. It gives me a real high just walking around in that place and imagining living there. I know for sure that actually living there will not be anywhere as great as it is in my mind right now.

I always wanted a couple of oil paitings in my house. But the problem is the paintings I need are 'in my head'. I see them perfectly in my head, but the lesser said about my drawing/painting talent the better.

The first would be a painting of the lagoon in Central Park in New York. Its winter, and therz snow all around and the lake is frozen. Therz a van parked on the outer edge and a guy is leading these ducks and puttin em in the van.

The second is of kids playin in a field near a ledge.Therz this guy we can't see too clearly. Hez wearing a red hunting hat with its peak turned the other way. All set to catch any kid who steers too closely to the ledge.

Those of who read this blog regularly know what these two paintings mean and why I want em so bad. If only I knew someone who can paint em for me. Anyone????

Spam Spam Spam Spam

During the course of a normal day, I end up answering 4-5 calls from credit card companies, clubs, phone companies, matrimonial services (take my word for it) etc.

I usually save all these numbers under the group 'spam'. You would be surprized at how many times you get calls from the same numbers. Almost half of my junk calls originate from the same numbers. I figure its a 'phone call sweat shop' which works for multiple clients and they prolly invested in database of a list of numbers and try to maximize their investment by calling each number for each of their clients.

In any case, it used to be a big time saver since I would see 'Spam' in the caller ID and would not pick up the phone. But then, I got this idea. Over the next month (In October and November), I filled up every darn form asking for feedback and numbers and lucky draws and free Everything Extravaganza and Discount Sales and Promotions and all. And instead of giving my number, I filled up these numbers from the Spam group.

Now, whenever I feel down or depressed, I just imagine these spamming morons calling each other up and tying up their phone lines, selling them crap they don't need. There, am smiling again. Life's good.

Innocence

Last weekend we were watching a show featuring kids where kids showcased some ideas to 'make the world a better place'. The ideas were uh.. 'cute' (which means they were dumb, but since kids have the IQ roughly equaling a jar of mayonnaise, I guess they were okay).

My friend told me that she found the ideas 'cho chweet and creative' and that she likes kids mainly for their innocence...

What made me realize that my own IQ was no better was that I chose to tell my friend what I thought about the ideas. Needless to say I spent the next half hour or so with a glazed look while nodding reactively every 35 seconds, all while imagining Anna Kournikova and Bipasha Basu mud wrestling. (Its great to be a guy ain't it?)

Seriously though, once Anna and Bips were thru, I spent some time thinking what was wrong with me. Why was 'innocence' so highly regarded? Was it the idea by itself that was 'cho chweet' or was it the kid?

It couldn't have been the kid. I mean if the kid was mouthing profanity it wouldn't have evoked the same reaction.

If a 40 year old pot-bellied drunk gave the same lame-brained idea? Would he be considered cute?

Then it struck me...

Innocence is a function of age.

If you are stupid but it’s considered okay for your age, you are cute.

E.g.

12 year old girl askin "Daddy, how are babies born?" - Cute and potentially embarrassin for dad.

32 year old girl askin her husband "I wanna have a kid. Any idea how they are made? Do I fill in a form?" - See what I mean?

I know you will not take in my point of view, so I got I googled and found a nice quote from a famous (I hope) dead (am guessin) person which kinda points to what I have been babbling all along.

It's innocence when it charms us, ignorance when it doesn't. - McLaughlin, Mignon

P.S. All you guys, in case you are wondering. Bips won the contest.

Stop Press: Mignon McLaughlin was an American journalist and author who lived from 1913 to 1983.

Nice pome..

Books to the ceiling,
Books to the sky,
My pile of books is a mile high.
How I love them! How I need them!
I'll have a long beard by the time I read them.

- Arnold Lobel

I also wanted to put up a nice pic of a huge pile o books which i found on the net. But Blogger seems to be on the blink and isn't showing me any formatting options. I regret having signed up for the Blogger Beta.

Update: The formatting and picture uploading options are back in Blogger

The real James Bond

I still haven't seen the new James Bond flick, maybe I will catch up with it in Bengalooru. Yep! Am goin there for the long weekend. And if you are reading this today, then don't tell my folks I am coming. :-)

Btw, don't you think the only person who comes close to being James Bond in real life is the former Secretary-General of the United Nations.

Me: Hi! I am Vikram.
Him: Butrous-Butrous Ghali

New list out

Sometime back I made a list of things that made me ..well..happy. I made that list way back in 2004, its almost 2 years since then and I just realized that all those things...well, they still work. But its just that I don't remember the last time I did some of them.

Anyway, thats not what I wanted to talk to you about. I just figured that its strange why I didn't make a list of things that piss me off. So, thats what I am goin to do now.

And herz the fun part, if you compile a list of things that piss you off, I will put it up on the vixlist site...thats right. If you know me, if you don't know me, if you like me, if you abhore me, whatever...unconditionally. But..herz the catch..

For every 1 item on your 'pisses me off' list, you need to send in a 'makes me happy' item too. Go on, I guarantee you will enjoy this.

JAQP

Just a quick post to say Hi.... Was busy all week and no broadband at home. I promise 2 good posts next week to make up for this extra sucky one. As a consolation, I will also put in a good comic strip for you.

Getting back at the customers..

Is it just me or does the new logo for Cisco look like someone giving you 'the finger'.. or rather two fingers...


Is this the company's not so subtle way of 'giving it' to their customers and investors? Or is it the work of some evil genius brand consultant?

Rukavat ke liye khed he...

Well, my stalemate with Airtel (my ISP) continues. My last interaction with them (earlier today) went like this

Airtel Guy: Sir, this is regarding your complaint that your internet isn't working. Can you tell me about the problem?

Me: Not sure if that will help! It certainly didn't the first 28 times. But hey! Maybe 29th time is the charm. I am now going to tell you about the problem I have been having for the past couple of weeks, but promise me you will not apologize for the inconvinience caused to me.

Airtel Guy (clueless): What sir?

Me: Just don't say "Sorry" after i tell you my problem. I hate corporate's acting all human. okay?

AG: Okay sir! What is the problem sir?

Me: Well! The net doesnt work. Thats about it.

AG: Sir! We are extremely sorry for the inconvinience caused to you sir. Our technicians will call you in 4 hours sir.

Me: Aaaaaargh!!! Listen, don't fix my net. It's okay. I have decided I don't need a net. Am even training some carrier pigeons for sending our mail.

AG: Sir! you have outstanding balance of 570 for this month's bill. These are minimum charges sir. You have to clear that and send an email to our department asking for disconnection.

Me: Whaaaa??? In any case, I can't send any emails you moron!!!! Herz my deal! Am putting the phone and the modem outside along with the trash. If you guy can come here before the garbage pickup, you get the phone. Else the trash guy gets it.

AG: Sir! We are very sorry for the ...

I hung up.

Bottomline: No net. No bloggin.

Living better - #2

Okays!

Decided I would not be blogging about Time management or Body building...but don't heave a sigh of relief yet... Cauz herz me telling you how to live better...

Here goes..

Sometimes it might seem that something that made you happy in the past doesn't seem to do it anymore. You feel you don't enjoy doing something anymore though you always did in the past.

Next time you find something like this (say Yodelling while riding mules), try to remember when you did this last. It might just turn out that you don't remember. And the reason you feel that you don't enjoy doing it anymore is because you don't do it anymore... Get it?

So the solution is.. just go head and do it anyways... at least just once more. Get on the mule and yodel your heart out... if it doesn't rock your boat...then write it off. But at least this time you have proof.

Is this my wierdest post ever????

Off 2 Bang

My Broadband is off since I've not yet paid my bill... :-) But I've been besotted with TV for the past week since I have Tata Sky now. Been watchin whatever tripe is served to me...but its digital stereo DVD quality tripe..so there!

Am off to Bangalore for Diwali and will be back on Monday to tell you something about

a) Time Management (!!!!?????)
or
b) Body Building (!!!!????)

Happy Diwali!

Juley Leh, Juley Leh...

If you are expecting a detailed travelogue here, prepared to be disappointed. I will not be telling you in detail about each day and place. This can be because of two reasons:

1. I am not sure that my writing skills (or lack of) would do justice in describing the splendor of Ladakh.

2. I am so sure that I will do such an amazing job of telling you about the places I visited, that it will instantaneously transport you there and give you the feeling that you have been there. That way you will have a free trip to Leh, while I had to shell out 30k.

I leave it to your better judgment on which of the two reasons it can be. Anyways....here we go.

Day 0 - Air Deccan to Delhi
Its always heartening to see the people in airport waiting...watching for the arrival...of their luggage. As each person spots her piece of luggage, the eyes light up.

But as it turns out, we had 3 rounds of 'Orphan Luggages' while waiting... you know what I am talking about.... Nobody ever claims the first 10 baggages that roll out in the belt. My belief is that the airlines just put on these orphans which no one wants in the hope that some passengers adopt them. After nearly 20 minutes, my backpack resembling a mini-mountain comes rolling along on the groaning conveyor belt. We hug and get out of the airport.

Met the Dilli Assoles, aka Anil and Riwin. Saw the India Gate but was dejected to know that we can't go around the place while standing up in our car seats a'la Rang De Basanti. Not only would the army not let vehicles so close by, Anil's car does not have an open top. After the mandatory Butter Chicken dinner, we head to Gurgaon.

Gurgaon impresses, much like Bangalore did when I first visited it. Hope this place does not go down the toilet during subsequent visits like Bangalore did.

Sleep for 1.5 hours on the bean bag while watching TV.


Day 1 - Indian to Leh

Eat Count: 1 (Coffee at the airport.)

A very angry looking aunty scowls at me in the Delhi airport and barks 'IC 450? Take the bus' . I hide inside my mammoth backpack and squirm into the plane. Airhostess aunty serves vada and upma. The cute air hostess restricts herself to Business Class.

As we near Leh (after passing by Jammu), the scene from the window is breathtaking making us wish, they cleaned the window glasses once in a while.

As we land in Leh, we are informed that photography is prohibited in the Leh and that each of us must probe the other passenger's bodily openings for hidden grenades. Just kidding, photography was prohibited only in the airport.

Landing in Leh, we find ourselves breathing heavily. Everyone feels like they are in a porn movie.

Meal Count: 2 (Coffee+Airline breakfast)

Take a cab (Cabbie name: Namgial) to Padma Guest House. Get reminded of Maniratnam's Roja as he takes us through narrow lanes leading to the guest house. Grab breakfast. We have an awesome view of snow-capped mountains on one side and a monastery on the other. The monastery reminds me of a particular illustration in Tintin in Tibet.

Meal Count: 3 (Coffee+Airline breakfast+Coffee, Cheese Omelette's and Ladakhi bread)

We are advised to rest for the day. Have a nap, wake up and order some food, but learn that the guest house serves only breakfast and dinner. We forage for food in the local market.

Meal Count: 4 (Coffee+Airline breakfast+Coffee, Cheese Omelette's and Ladakhi bread+Momos and Pakodas)

Head back to the hotel since its close to dinner time. Me and Riwin go out to get supplies (Lay's and Water). On the way back, get a snack at a Tibetian place.

Meal Count: 5 (Coffee+Airline breakfast+Coffee, Cheese Omelette's and Ladakhi bread+Momos and Pakodas + Momos and Soup with Momos in it)

Anil calls us as we finish our meal and tells us that dinner is being served.

Meal Count: 6 (Coffee+Airline breakfast+Coffee, Cheese Omelette's and Ladakhi bread+Momos and Pakodas + Momos and Soup with Momos in it+ Dal Rice, Chicken, Soup, Vegetables and Dessert)

Its almost 9 PM and we head to sleep. I dig into some of the supplies we got.

Day 2 - Walk down to Leh
Took an Omni to visit the nearby monasteries. Tsemo, of which we had a breathtaking view from our guest house and Shanti Stupa. We walk down to Leh city through a village. Good day.



Day 3 - Trekking to the Hemis phere.
When we landed in Leh, my mobile stopped working for some strange reason. And since my mobile is the only clock I have, I stopped keeping track of time. By Day 3, I realize I lost track of the dates too... I had no idea what day it was or what time. So don't be surprised if the events are not in the right order. Consider it a tribute to Tarantino.

After visiting the Hemis monastery, we trek uphill to Gotsang. We are amazed by the sparkling streams and the breathtaking vista... breathtaking... yes! We stop to catch our breath every 3-4 steps. I wonder if the Lamas in the monastery have a secret elevator from behind the mountain.

Stop over at the banks of the Indus river to polish off our packed lunch. Have a rendezvous with some ducks near Shey Palace.

Day 4 - On Top of The World

We go to Khardungla Pass - The highest motorable road in the world. Its way more impressive (and cold) than I could imagine. Me and Riwin take a leak from the top... as a mark of achievement.

Achievement of what? I wonder. We didn't build the road. We didn't even trek to the top. We paid a driver to take us up there in a climate controlled SUV.

In the evening we shop. And we eat.









Day 5 - Dil Se...
We go to Pangong lake. The lake where the 'Satrangi Re' song from Dil Se... was shot. It was this song, and therefore this lake that I had decided that one day I would visit Leh.
A quicksand tries to drag me down to hell, while our there, is heaven. I will let some pictures do the talking here.


Days 5&6 - I forget ...

The rest of the days I forget what we did... but take it from me. You missed a lot. Even if you were on the trip. Because there is no way our puny brains can process all the beauty (damn! I wish I had a better word) that surrounds us.

As we leave from Leh airport, a particular bit from Iris by Goo Goo Dolls haunts me....

You are the closest to heaven, that I've ever been, and I don't want to go home right now.

Back in Gurgaon - Mall City
Aha! I can always make this a post for another day. So watch out for my Gurgaon Diary.

Fact: I conducted to find out where do Ladakhis holiday. They visit the sea-side.

Back to business

Came back home at 6PM today. End of the longest vacation since I started working. Expect a long post very soon about the trip....


Am turning in now.... Juley

My Power Take Off

I will be on (as my office terms it) PTO from Saturday the 30th of September for 10 whole glorious days. As far as I knew this was called a vacation or leave, and I have no idea what PTO means. Being a person who would not take ignorance lying down (I prefer a semi-slouched position for that) I asked Wikipedia what PTO meant... and here are the results..

1. United States Patent and Trademark Office or any other Patent and Trademark Office
2. Power take-off
3. Pacific Theater of Operations - World War II
4. The inscription "Please Turn Over!" at the bottom of a sheet of paper
5. "P:T:O:", a music track on the Klaus Schulze album Body Love (1977)
6. Paid Time Off - used as an abbreviation for holidays in USA
7. Parent-Teacher Organization, a decision-making body at many schools.
8. P.T.O., The Phantom of the Opera-- the original novel or an adaptation (movie/musical/literature) or the Phantom character from any of these.

1) US Patent Office - Nope! When I do invent something (Like pre-chewed bubble gum) it will be for the greater common good. I refuse to patent something that will take mankind to the next level.

2) Power Take-Off - This sounds cool, and I wish I was doing that.... but as it turns out, its got a pretty numbing definition. Turns out it isn't even a thing to do.... Herz what it actually is.

A power take-off (PTO) is a splined driveshaft, usually on a tractor or truck that can be used to provide power to an attachment or separate machine

3 & 4) Let's not even consider this one.

5) Am not scheduled to be part of any musical till 2016.

6) Paid Time Off - Hmm....this does make sense!!!

7) No kids! Am not a teacher! So no PTA

8) Naah! Broadway musicals are not not my tumbler of kaapi....


So here goes, I will be on Personal Time Off for 10 whole days, and chilling out in Leh, Ladakh.

This is good news for you, since (I assume and hope) that in Leh, Net refers to something that they use to keep mosquitoes away, and broadband is a group of promiscuous women instrumentalists, I will not be blogging for the entire period.

Living better - #1

When one is blessed with an extraordinary insight into life, one feels obliged to share it with lesser mortals. And with this little bit, I shall begin dispensing 'Vixdom' on how to ... live better.

Today's lesson.

Life is divided into things you want to do, and things you have to do.

Your aim...every day, every moment is to do more of the first type (want to do things) and as few of the second(have to do things). But... if you are really good (at living) what you might do is, convert the want to work into have to.

Let me explain, if what you want to do in life is milk llamas but what you have to do (since it is your job) is to rake iguana droppings. Your aim should be to keep your mitts of iguana turds and on llama tits, change your job if you have to. Or look through a mallu's head for oil deposits, retire early, and start a Llama farm.

Next time you have a task at hand, ask yourself this. "Is this something I want to do, or something I have to do?". Don't worry, you will have all the time to answer this while they take you down to the crazy house for talking to yourself.

If its the first type, do it. If it's not, think of a way you can weasel out of it. Simple.

Memories....

Many of you....Okay, 3 of you, asked me about the earliest memories post in vixlist.

Here's what they were all about...

(To paraphrase Forrest Gump) I dont remember being born..or my first Diwali.. But these were some of the memories which spilled out when I dug my hands upto elbows into my brain's dusty old Trunk Potti It really is funny what a guy remembers..and what he doesnt.

The balcony scene... is from Sambalpur, where I was born. Dont remember anything else about that town..never lived there. The rest... from the Hill Station of Ranchi..which is in present day Jharkhand. I had an operation when I was young (About a year old I am told).... but strangely If I wasnt told of it....I wouldnt know about it at all. The incident of me mistaking my blood for red paint was one of my grandfather's favourite tales.....

The 'rrrrr' post has a nice story behind it, which I will save for a later day.... :-)

Reminds me of a Calvin and Hobbes strip. ( Calvin: I am going to write my autobiography. Hobbes: But you are only 6 years old.. Calvin: Thats all right, I have only 1 sheet of paper. )

Lists Ahoy!!!!

You might be aware of VixList , my collection of wish lists of various people and a few other lists too. Well, as it turns out, I have started a new list here. This is a list of the 3 earliest memories you have.

Sounds simple? Trust me, you are goin to be racking your brains for this one... You will realize that the top of the heap are memories from your 'defining years'. For most of us (I assume), these are our college days. Putting these aside, you venture deeper into the attic, and stumble upon a few 'insignificant' doodads... the family vacation to Kanyakumari, a gift you bought for someone but never presented, a vague face or two from god knows where...Then come the flood of extremes... the first kiss, The passing away of someone dear, the major breakbreak, the second kiss (Isn't it better than the first?)...

It took me a good 2 weeks to get to my earliest memory... Hope it doesn't take you as long.

You can find my list of 3 earliest memories here. Let me know what yours are.... ask your friends what theirs are too... and I promise I will add every person's entry, whether I know them or not.

Which Comic?

For no particular reason, I was wondering which comic character would I want to be.... across all genres... I coulnd't think of any...

The obvious thoughts were...

Calvin - I hated school. Don't wanna go back there...

Richie Rich - Can't spend my life wearing blue tight shorts...and a bowtie...heavens no!!!

Archie - Be a teenager with hormones raging and empty wallet.... i'll pass
Charlie Brown - I bet even Charlie Brown doesn't want to be Charlie Brown...

Superman - The costume is so gay... no way

Batman/Spiderman etc etc lead a very disturbed life...

Mandrake - Hmm... bonking Narda would be good, But am afraid of wearing capes ever since I read about Isadoa Duncan

Tintin - I hate snowy...would also be tough since I would find myself annoying

Asterix - Can't live in ancient times..... they dind't even have broadband for God's sake....!!!

Any suggestions folks??? Who would you want to be btw?

P.S. Happy 28th Birthday to N. Will alert the firebrigade about your cake...

Across the universe

Listenin to the song right now, and each time I listen to it, it makes more sense to me.

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup....

Ever have one of those days when one moment does not lead to the next? It leads you to the moment after the next, to the moment past, or through narrow lanes in drizzly weather in search of a memory you can't pinpoint.


Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind...

After a long long time, I feel confused. And it is not a feeling I am enjoying. 

Nothings gonna change my world

Yeah right!!!

The Hero for Today

If I wasn't such a poor cartoonist (among other things), I would have started my own comic strip. My love for this medium is well known among my friends. (The others can refer to this post.) While traveling back from Chennai I was day-dreaming about my strip and its central character. I have decided that it is going to be (or rather never going to be, since I am sure I will not magically acquire the talent) a Superhero Strip.... I might try exploring the possibilities of working with someone for the artwork (Is there a cartoonist in the house?) or changing the format from a cartoon to flash fiction.

Anyway without further ado....I present to you...

When the world is sleeping..... HE is hard at work... (background sound: keyboard, people talking politely)

But when world is wide awake, HE is fighting for them... between 2PM and 6PM on weekdays. Presenting .... The Call Center Kid

Real Name: Anand (Andy at work)

Works as: Collections Agent

Work Timings:
As Andy-The Collector: 7PM to 3AM IST
As 'The CC Kid': 2PM - 6PM

Super Hero Powers:
Ability to feign any accent
Ability to work on Indian holiday like Diwali and Dusherra

Super Hero Wheels:
Tata Indicab (Saving up for a bike)

Any further ideas for our new age superhero? Specifically..

* His 'arch enemy'
* His weakness




btw, a big Yea! for Firefox 2.0 and its inbuilt spell check.

Hisaab Kitab

Case: Let me start with the bottom line. You owe me Rs.20. Plain and simple. Reason: Remember our trip to the Bacardi Homeland, Nanjangud. Remember the journey, remember the temple, remember the elephant, remember being humped/raped/screwed/scammed there by the ...Iyers. We had entered it into our book of accounts as a write-off under Temple Rape, an accounting code we had to introduce for this special case. And now.... you have joined hands with the very same people who did this to us... How could you????? Proof: Refer pic. Also I believe you have our 'account book'...so you can refer that... and mostly, you can look into your own kaleja you backstabber (kaleja is heart right??? Or is it the liver?)

Action Items:

1. Refund me my half of the 20 bucks (Rs.10)
2. Rs.10 as backstabbing charges

I, Caveman

Did I tell ya about last Wednesday? Too late... am gonna tell you anyway. I went to Sagar (as in Nagarjuna) with my office friends. (Unceremoniously dumping a certain someone who since she is the kindest, most gracious person in the world, forgives me instantaneously. Dang! forgot to mention sexy, intelligent etc.)

The trip was pretty ho-hum, what with the Hyderabad weather suddenly being hotter than [insert name of your favourite supermodel] in a thong. The dullest part I have to admit was (surprise! surprise!) the museum. After going through a third of the place, I gave up,and sat admiring the best exhibit there... an ancient electric fan belonging to ..uh Raja Nagarjuna of.... Sagar.

I will now use my brilliant mind to conjure up images of the remaining parts of the museum....aah! I see more broken pots, stone buttocks without a head, and stone heads (not the rock concert type) without (surprise! surprise!) buttocks, and pillars with stuff written on them that nobody gives an Iguana's ass about.

And while I type, proof, and edit this post and release it into the blogosphere to rot among billions of others, I wonder "What on earth were these ancient people thinking? Why would they want to waste an evening of their life writing tonnes of crap which no one on earth would wanna read? Did they really think somebody's reading?"

Go Me

Its not everyday that one can claim to have made someone's day, or played one of their several roles perfectly. But do I dare say I just might have done it today?

What say R? I do have the evidence to support my claim.

Cheesy Post...

Film producers wanted to make a movie about classical music composers starring Leonardo Dicaprio, Hugh Grant and Arnold Schwarzenegger. They ask Leonardo who he wants to be and he answers "I want to be Beethoven because I've always liked him". Next they ask Hugh and he says "I want to be Mozart because I've always liked him" lastly they ask Arnold and he says "I'll be Bach!"

So with this sada hua joke I would like to inform you that I am indeed back from my weekend trip to Chennai... details when am a bit free....

For lack of a better word...

I guess it would only be honest if I tell you upfront what happened just sometime earlier. I spent a little time over the weekend with this friend of mine, trying (in vain) to knock some sense into her. She was living in a fantasy world, one which you would find in a Mills & Boons or a Bollywood movie. Am not entirely sure, but I think I made my point quite succinctly that the real world is like.... what it is. I can assure you that the previous line is no indication of my ability to frame my thought. I did manage to put across my point to her rather well using better metaphors and convinced her of the real world's utter lack of ...for lack of a better word....magic.

Upon reaching home, I felt a slight uneasiness and quickly diagnosed it as a bout of chronic hipocritis. It is to cure this annoying ailment that I am typing out this blog entry on a Sunday night when I would rather be watching The Godfather on DVD....again.

I figure,that by telling you what I really think about the issue at hand ( about the world not being a fantasy land..not about my being verbally challenged. ) So cover your ears reader, for I am not about to shout at the top of my voice.

" IT IS A MAGICAL WORLD!!!!! "

There I feel much better now and can continue my meeting with the Corleone family (lest I sleep with the fishes) But I have a feeling I leave you with the rather sour aftertaste, like one you would get if you chewed thru the lyric of an old country western song. So I take this excuse (and also the fact that a writer has the advantage of not having to look at the disinterested eyes of his reader) to emphasize my loud statement.

The world is indeed magical, and I don't mean this in a cheesy christmassy, picnic in the park, first kissy, piano and saxophone kind of way. And before you even hope to interrupt, I am not speaking of bunny's out of a hat, owls dropping mails type either. The magic I refer to is quite different.

Its the kind of magic which makes a streetlight aware of the conversation between two 'about to be best friends' sitting on an equally magical manhole cover. The streetlight widens its eyes with interest and nods away during moments of 'ahs' and 'ums'.

Its the kind of magic which makes an entire city change its weather at the peak of summer to summon rainclouds with a slight hint of rain, allowing two to share an umbrella...

To make the water gush out of a pipe loudly in the railway station just when there is the danger of nothing left to be said during the goodbye.

You are flying back to your city, enveloped in the hushed darkness, making you doubt if your home is happy at seeing you come back.... the plane takes another round over the airport... just to rub it in. Then....like dominoes, you see the lights come on... over the entire city...the streets, hotels, homes... "Surprize!!!".... a welcome back party for you....from your home city.....magic!

I can continue quoting instances, but if you aren't convinced already, you never will be. And that....is such a pity.

Breakfast and the Bog

As my friends know, I am a loo cleaning fanatic. I cant 'go' unless the pot is spotlessly clean. A toilet brush and loo cleaners are part of my 'Desert Island Survival Kit'. The Harpic company sends me flowers for my birthday and calls up when I am out of town to enquire why sales are low.

Now to a guy like me, the greatest thing since the easy pour spout and dual side nylon brush (FYI I prefer loaf bread to sliced) is the Harpic tablet. You have probably seen them in the supermarket. This round, blue tablet which you drop down the flush tank, and it cleans the loo a bit everytime you flush. Last time I picked up a 'Buy 2 get 1 free' offer on these, and instantly dropped one of the tablets in the flush tank..... and me being me, read the Instructions and everything else behind the pack during my morning do. These things come in flavours you know? And i do mean flavours...apparantly the pack I picked up was 'Green Apple'!!!!!!!

You are probably far ahead of me on this one, but for the readers who still believe Ganguly might make it to the team... let me spell it out..slowly... using simple words

This morning, there I was reading the morning paper in my favourite spot. Am all done, and flush.... and it strikes me "Hey! I am almost out of apple juice and have to pick up a few cartons today."

There are no offers on the pure 'non flavoured' blue tablets but I plan to pick them up next time.

N n D sittin in a tree...

Jus back home from N's home. I would say last night was 'script written' in the sense, it went exactly as we expected it to...which is a good thing.

Minutes of the meeting?????

* His 'life'
* My 'life'
* Ammendment to 'Save for a better life policy' was introduced. The ammendment does not make us choose between havin a good 'NOW' and working towards 'tomorrow'. Now we plan to do both...and will.
* A brief overview of financials. N issued a medium to long term guidance, while I refused to make any comments on the long term.

The next time we booze together should be sometime in November, but let's see.... thats far far away.

Since yesterday I have been trippin over the 'New York Nagaram' track from Jillunu Oru Kadhal. Its been ages since I have been so besotted by any track. So expect me to be a Pain in the @$$ (even more so) and expect you to love it too....

Ya! This post stinks. My excuse? I didn't have kaapi yet.

Pop Culture Decides

Know whats the latest to irk me. I hate the fact that we ( and by that I mainly mean me) rely on pop culture (which in India translates to our movies) to dictate if we are wierdos or not.

If you were in love with a chicken(and let me expressly mention that I am referring to love as in the love between a 90 year old millionaire and a 19 year old gold digging bimbette) you would of course be secretive about your torrid love affair with poultry. But if in the next SRK starer, King Khan professes his love for poultry, then goes ahead and courts a rather (foxy?) chicken right under the beak of 'her' betrothed (in this case, a handsome rooster), it would be 'okay'. Even your mom might agree to this match....

Many years back A hindu-muslim love affair was 'horrid', till cinema glorified it. If you notice, love marriages, nuclear families, divorce, homosexuality etc are 'okay' only after movies were made on it.

To make it clear, I am not complaining about these 'immoral activities' or whatever being okayed by society, but rather that we wait for our movie industry to okay who we are. In the sense the movie industry is like the 'ultra cool group' from college, who decided what was 'in' and what wasn't, and we bent over backwards trying to conform to them.

To get to the point, I was in two minds about something. And recently saw a movie which kinda depicted the same thing but with candy floss and a happy ending. Instantly I was comfortable with the very same thing that had been bothering me....all because it had the Bollywood/Tollywood stamp of approval.

I sicken me.

The list goes on...

I have this other blog running, called VixList . It started out as a place where I could keep a wish list of all stuffs I (and my friends) wanted... Its now turned into a hotch-potch of lists which I had the urge to make... I think I remember making a list of all my namesakes (courtesy Google)...

I plan to update my wish-list and add the lists of a few more friends as well... any ideas for future lists??? Let me know

chalk

This is my blogchalk:
India, Hyderabad, English, Male, 26, music, reading, Calvin & Hobbes, Salinger.