Friday, June 29, 2007

Aamir Khan

As an Aamir Khan fan, I can't usually get enough of him, thanks to his policy of quality over quantity. Isn't that why we like him in the first place.

Happened to chance on his personal blog, you can find it here. It's about his remake of Ghajini. I haven't seen the original Tamil version (Saw only the first half rather), and have seen Memento (and was blown away).

Am willing to bet your balls that this version will be better than the tam original since it has A.R Rahman's music and ... Aamir khan. Besides the director can fix a lot of 'bugs' from the Tamil original in this remake.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Drop that weapon

Airports are kooky. For various reasons. Each time I fly somewhere, I notice something flaky about airports or air travel in general. Whether it is orphan luggage, announcers who speak in tongues, or airport security, they all drive me up the wall.

Here I was, Sunday morning at the Chennai airport. I had inadvertently come in a good 3 hours early and so had a lot of time to kill. After having a sliver of a sandwich made of a rare South American cheese and endangered variety of wheat (I assume. Why else would he have priced it at 70 bucks?) I was loitering around and lookin at the displays.

They were playing a slideshow which told people what they couldn't bring on board... the usual suspects, Gel, matches, nail clippers etc. Borrring! Then the list turned interesting. The following are things they actually had to tell people not to bring on board. I am not kidding..honest to god.

  • Shot Guns
  • Rifles
  • Crowbars
  • Axe
  • Disabling Chemicals
  • Dynamite
  • Cricket Bats (!!!)
  • Swords
  • Power Saw
  • Saber
  • Ski Pole
  • Tear Gas
Apparently there were lot of people bringing these items and insisting on carrying them on-board.

Moron: "Arre bhai! Ek hi to rifle he, ise kyon nahi la sakte hein? Mein to hamesha mere guns aur bombs lekar aata hoon. Kisko pata kab kaam aa jaye! Chodo na yaar, jaane do na."

Are we really such a dumb nation that we have to be told not to take these things on board? Maybe we are. Anyway as a citizen I would like to do my bit by pointing out some things they obviously overlooked. Maybe the Committee for Inclusion of Dangerous Objects in Moronic List can include the following hazardous items too:

  • My friend Nimish's socks
  • Samurai Katana
  • Anything Himesh Reshamiya
  • Plutonium Reactors
  • Andhra Pickle
  • Uzi
  • Economics Text Book
  • Nimish's red shorts
Am glad I have done my bit for the safety of air passengers. When was the last time you did anything good for humanity? Ha!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Microsoft Surface Parody

Have you seen the video demo of Microsoft Surface? 'Wow!' isn't it? In case you haven't, you can find it here.

And now that you have seen the original, check out this parody. Too funny.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Too funny..

Apparently am making up for my long absence by posting crap loads of stuff. Herez the next bit. I found it on the web. It's called 'New rules for 2007'

New Rule:

Stop giving me that pop-up ad for ! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days . . mowing my lawn.

New Rule:

Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?

New Rule:

Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule:

If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule:

Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule:

There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule:

Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule:

The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule:

I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule:

Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule:

Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule:

I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule:

If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule:

No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: and this one is long overdue:

No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule:

When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule:

If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying" Do you want fries with that?"

Try this out.... NOW

1. Get a pair of earphones....
2. Plug it in... your PC (you sicko!!!)
3. Listen to this.

Amazing Digital Surround Sound - Watch more free videos

Give us back our superheroes

A couple of weeks back during my trip to Bangalore I had the misfortune of watching a typical masala movie... you know the types am talking about right?

The hero and his best friend are in love with the same girl. Some misunderstandings and melodrama later, best friend turns villain. Tells the girl to act as if she hates the save her maang ka sindoor she does it. Hero goes to a bar with another girl and dances drunk to make her jealous.
Also hero has a fight with another character, and asks his ex-best friend for help. He asks him to F.O. But then the loyal servant (Ramu Kaka) thokofies some sense in him. So ex-best friend turned villain turned best friend comes back during the climax fight and takes a bullet to save hero and dies. Then hero rings temple bells to kill villian....

Oh ya, the movie has a special appearance by Spider Man. A good fifteen minutes.

What the....why?

This movie has cemented the fact that Hollywood is now officially incapable of making superhero flicks any longer. After humanizing The Hulk (ok, granted he isn't a 'super hero' as such), making Superman wear a skimpy operation gown they have now turned Spidey into a hero from a 80s Manmohan Desai movie. Minus the songs and the fun.

But there is hope... for those wanting to see a real superhero flick...wait till June 15th....and watch Sivaji. :-)

Rip Van Vix

It's been sometime since I last blogged...and I am glad to say that for once it isn't due to my overwhelming laziness....not entirely.

After 5 years of employment I was forced to start working of late, and this left me gasping for breath like the winner of 'Do you want to be a porn star?' TV show. (There should be such a show btw.)

Also my apartment is fast nearing completion and my 'd-day' is more than a speck in the horizon.

Bottom line: It was nice to get quite a few mailers and SMS asking why I had not posted of late. I can now confidently say that my blog is read by a double digit population.