Taglines

Started 11 July 1997.

Inside every guy wearing a suite, there is a guy in a T-Shirt in him wanting to get out.

No mater how great your triumph or how sorrowful your defeat, About 1 billion Chinese around the world couldn't care less.

The turtle may not soar like the eagle, but It doesn't get caught in Jet Plane Engines as well.

Shower the people you love with love......... Or better yet, shower with the people you love.

If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.


I don't get even, I get odder.


I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it

I am not fat..I am a nutritional overachiever


My inferiority complex is not as good as yours

I am in shape. Round is a shape

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep

It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you

Give me ambiguity or give me something else

He who laughs last, thinks slowest

3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself:
"Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind".
What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they
don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when
somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming
and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a
coward.

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and
the dancers hit each other.

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where
this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a
clown killed my dad.

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We
might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people
happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't
be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in
town.

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all
go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't
until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.

Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, we should be
thinking about getting more use out of the ones we already have.

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.

If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one
of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and
while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

Life, to me, is like a quiet forest pool, one that needs a direct hit from a big
rock half-buried in the ground. You pull and you pull, but you can't get the
rock out of the ground. So you give it a good kick, but you lose your balance
and go skidding down the hill toward the pool. Then out comes a big Hawaiian man
who was screwing his wife beside the pool because they thought it was real
pretty. He tells you to get out of there, but you start faking it, like you're
talking Hawaiian, and then he gets mad and chases you...

Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no
other cars around, I start imagining: What if there were no civilization out
there? No cities, no factories, no people? And then I think: No people or
factories? Then who made this car? And this highway? And I get so confused I
have to stick my head out the window into the driving rain---unless there's
lightning, because I could get struck on the head by a bolt.

The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and
saved his money. True, working at the hardware store didn't pay much, but he
felt it was better than what everybody else did, which was go up to the volcano
and collect the gold nuggets it shot out every day. It turned out he was right.
After forty years, the volcano petered out. Everybody left town, and the
hardware store went broke. Finally he decided to collect gold nuggets too, but
there weren't many left by then. Plus, he broke his leg and the doctor's bills
were real high.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets? -- Dick Cavett, mocking the TV-violence debate

Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize
how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. Hobbes: Isn't your
pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?

"Time's fun when you're having flies." -- Kermit the Frog

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a
voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night." -- Charlie Brown